I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
