That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
