Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
