Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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