I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
