this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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