The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
