one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
