All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
