I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
