I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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