1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
