RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
