If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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