Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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