So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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