We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
