Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
