just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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