I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
