I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
whose parrot is this?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
