remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
