nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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