She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
