I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
