I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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