Sry I called you an 8
I hate all girls vehemently.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
