i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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