Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
