when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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