Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
