operation harelip BJ is a go
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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