O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
