That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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