omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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