I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
