I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
