Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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