My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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