Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
