it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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