My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
