I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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