Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
