Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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