my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
