Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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