I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
