when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
