Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
